jr
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Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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From sniff petrol
FAT SMUG TWAT SLAGS OFF STUFF ON INTERNET
The car industry was in crisis this week with news that everything they do is rubbish, at least according to the sneeringly critical opinions of a fat nerd who posts on an internet forum.
Chris Titt, better known by the username SuperFlash2000, is a 32 year old IT consultant who drives a Lotus Elise and correctly believes that owning a moderately quick car and having a high disposable income makes him completely qualified to be critical of everything, knowing full well that he will never be asked to prove he could do better.
"We've really been shown the error of our ways," confided one senior car company source. "I mean this bloke clearly knows his stuff. He's able to deliver incisive feedback and opinion on almost any car without even having driven it. You have to take that kind of knowledge seriously. We spend years developing our new models but we just can't compete with a greasy charisma vacuum who sits in front of a computer all day and then goes home to spend the evening in front of a computer because he rightly knows that the whole world must hear the relentlessly negative opinions of a man whose entire life experience is based on stripping down hard drives and dressing like a member of the Jesus and Mary Chain, but one that couldn't get laid even if they had a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes hanging off their nob".
Mr Titt himself was unavailable for comment because he was watching Top Gear, something he does every week, despite repeatedly claiming to hate it.
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Matt H
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Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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PMSL 
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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10 MOTORING MUST-DOs FOR 2006
Start your own small car company using a historic name
Everyone else seems to be doing it. You don't have to make any actual cars, just lots of empty claims.
(Please note that Austin-Healey is taken)
Get Richard Hammond to present something
Looks like he'll do anything these days.
Become as smug as Chris Bangle
Ever since everyone else started putting weird slashes and shit on their cars he's been pretty bloody pleased with himself. Can you match that self satisfaction? (Clue: unlikely)
Think of a point to SAAB
Let's face it, you can't do any worse than GM. They've had almost 16 years and they still haven't got a fucking clue.
Buy a new Honda Civic and drive to the middle of Norfolk
They'll think you're from the future and make you some sort of God. Or burn you.
Buy 50 Toyota Prius' and use them to block Ken Livingstone's front door
He won't mind because, according to the hybrid exemption in his £8 a day driving into London tax, they don't cause congestion.
Decide to look like Bernie Ecclestone
Oh you mock now. Wait until the summer when the catwalks of Milan will be covered in chippy midgets with abysmal hair that looks like their mum cut it.
Send Sniff Petrol some ideas
Because I'm a bit short at the moment
No really
I am
[Edited on 21-03-2006 by jr]
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Jambo
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Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
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SVM 286
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Registered: 13th Feb 05
Location: pain
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Utter genius on both counts Jimbo.
Nice find, quite inspirational.  
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bradfincham
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Registered: 20th Sep 02
Location: East Of England Drives: Clio 172
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Top one is totally correct
why i tend to read most forums and not comment!
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Mertin
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Registered: 12th Oct 05
Location: Scotland
User status: Offline
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lmao, totally agree with the opening of the top one
Chris Titt, better known by the username SuperFlash2000, is a 32 year old IT consultant who drives a Lotus Elise and correctly believes that owning a moderately quick car and having a high disposable income makes him completely qualified to be critical of everything, knowing full well that he will never be asked to prove he could do better.
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