--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
> >circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment
> >from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain
> >and check that it has gone.
> >
> >Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
> >object you wish to view.
> >
> >Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but
> >you'll also be getting paid for it.
> >
> >Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a
> >chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing
>in thefirst place, you fat bastard.
> >
> >Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by
> >filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
> >urinating into it, before jumping in.
> >
> >Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
> >cake again.
> >
> >An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
> >inexpensive vibrator.
> >
> >Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
> >running a bit slower.
> >
> >Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next fag
> >from the butt of your last one.
> >
> >Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or
> >veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat
> >substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know
> >the difference.
> >
> >Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt
> >be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about
> >yours, and ask for a nice steak.
> >
> >High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a
> >while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
> >
> >Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
> >cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
> >insulate your roof.
> >
> >Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before
> >starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so
> >it may as well look like one.
> >
> >A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from
> >rolling over and going back to sleep.
> >
> >Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
> >your feet twice on each stair.
> >
> >At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer
> >Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.
> >
> >Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first date.
> >All he's interested in is seeing you starkers.
> >
> >Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
> >fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
> >
> >Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
> >wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
> >
> >Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
> >for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
> >other in your coat pocket.
> >
> >Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find
> >the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.
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L33 LEG
Banned
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Blackburn . Drove: Dimma Saxo VTR
User status: Offline
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 fairly funny...ish
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Hang on let me reply for every1
"Oh my god, Older than my Nan"
"4th Time"
" "
"That sucks"
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
|
thanks Jase 
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
thanks Jase
x x
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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CorsAsh
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
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Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.
Great
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corb
Member
Registered: 24th Apr 02
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
User status: Offline
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funny that! not seen it before 
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S12CKY
Member
Registered: 6th Jul 04
Location: Morpeth, Northumberland
User status: Offline
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i like the stairs one and the poo one lol
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