leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.
He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car
so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck,
but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or
less.
"My birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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langey
Member
Registered: 7th Sep 03
Location: Wigan
User status: Offline
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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true story dannie?
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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dunno im not blonde
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Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
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YES danniesun, hows life treatin ya?
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
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Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dannie
Why did God create woman before man?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
couldnt agree more
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
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Jake
Member
Registered: 24th Jan 05
User status: Offline
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piss off
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!!"
They each continue on their way, and ..... as the man rounds the next
corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ..... and dies immediately.
If only men would listen.
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Oh dianne hitting back big time
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Carl
Member
Registered: 9th May 04
Location: Jimmy Bennett's la la land.
User status: Offline
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Why did Dannie post pics of an Additions model?
Cos she is an ugly bint in real life
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by CrazyCarlo
Why did Dannie post pics of an Additions model?
Cos she is an ugly bint in real life
Best joke of the thread.
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dannie
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
I thought it would be your photo album!
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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A man was in court for a double murder, and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"
The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damned bastard!"
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"
The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years, I have lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer ... he said he never had one!"
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Dannie
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 05
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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Top Ten Male Professions and Why
1. Doctor. Because he says, "Take off your clothes."
2. Dentist. Because he says, "Open Wide."
3. Hairdresser. Because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown."
4. Milkman. Because he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
5. Interior Decorator. Because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6. Banker. Because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest."
7. Police Officer. Because he says, "Spread 'em."
8. Mailman. Because he always delivers his package.
9. Pilot. Because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. Hunter. Because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.
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SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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the easter bunny, santa and dannie were in a lift
there is a tenner on the floor
who pics it up ????
santa cos the other 2 dont exist
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L33 LEG
Banned
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Blackburn . Drove: Dimma Saxo VTR
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by SteveW
the easter bunny, santa and dannie were in a lift
there is a tenner on the floor
who pics it up ????
santa cos the other 2 dont exist
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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PMSL @ TNM and Steve
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