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[quote][i]Originally posted by willay[/i] Here's the abbreviated story of my first failed relationship: I met him in August and started dating him in October. Things moved pretty fast. I was blissfully happy until January or around there. I started feeling little pricklings of doubt, but I wasn't sure what was wrong, and I figured if something was indeed wrong, it would come up in a conversation and we would talk about it. Well, I was partially right. He broke up with me the night before Valentine's Day, which took me completely by surprise. I was shattered. We got back together that night, but things were never the same. I clung on because I wanted things to go back to those first happy months. Ever since the first breakup, I lost my confidence in the relationship; although we had our happy moments, I felt a pervading sense of doubt, insecurity, and I felt very needy. We broke up and got back together a total of 5 times. Each time we got back together, I felt happy that I had him back but panic would set in soon enough. I never really had time to heal from a break-up; soon enough, another one came along and broke my heart all over again. I felt worse and worse by the month. I was extremely uncertain about the whole situation. I would comfort myself by remembering all the good times we had in my desperation. Even though I wanted to make things better, I didn't know how. Each moment of doubt was like a stab in the heart. I was really in love with him, for a while. We didn't communicate. We didn't talk about what was going on between us unless it was during one of those break-up fights. Which is a huge problem, of course, but I didn't realize it at the time. And I refused to let go of the whole thing, even though I felt that we were doomed, because I couldn't believe that I had lost that kind of happiness and that things between us had changed. I actually thought that sooner or later, we could go back to the way things were in that infatuated stage. The majority of that relationship was, for me, one long "premonition" stage where I felt that another break-up was coming. Anyways, now I have a new perspective on things. It was my first relationship, after all; it was silly of me to expect things to be perfect and that we would always be together. Typical teenage foolishness. Even though I miss him, and sometimes I still wish that somehow we could magically go back to the way we once were, I've realized that can never happen. I was too naïve, now I've become more cynical. And hopefully my next relationship won't be such a mess. [/quote]
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